Chapter 26: To want without wanting, forget without forgetting. I am probably not smart enough because I still don’t get it.

– You know, Coco, I have figured out – it is very exciting to start something new, like my weight loss program. First I have to make sure I have good food supply and I look for it and arrange the food to be in my fridge. Second I have to get some tools, like scale and jumping rope. I go shopping for the new sports wear. It is so exciting. Then I determine my exercise and calories logging routine. I get all these new insights and it keeps me busy and existed. But once all those new things are done and settled – the whole program becomes a routine. And once it is a routine I start over-managing myself, like measuring my weight five times a day getting de-motivated by lack of progress.

– Yes Jane, It may take a year or even two to drop down 26 kg if … if you follow your routine without this over-management and de-motivation periods you are talking about.

– You see? How to deal with it?

– It looks like you stumbled upon the third rule of change Jane. The best way to change or achieve a goal is to want it without wanting it. This is most likely the best definition of determination. I call it brutal focus.

– What? It all sounds like abracadabra to me, Coco.

– It is in a way, a magic spell if you wish. The best way to achieve a goal is to create an unbinding will and focus on one particular topic, develop an action strategy, follow it, make it to daily routine and forget about it without really forgetting.

– How can you forget without forgetting? Or want without wanting? – my head is boiling.

– It is easier then it sounds. We have to be determined about the end goal, act upon it, without emotional involvement.

– Why is emotional involvement out of a sudden a bad thing? It is great to be excited about something!

– Please do not confuse enthusiasm with emotional involvement. If you could keep excited mood forever – please be my guest – involve this emotion. But you just told me yourself that you feel de-motivated by lack of results.

– And?

– And nothing. Please explain to me, how are such emotions as de-motivation, in-security, or discouragement of any help to your goal achievement?

– Hmm … They are not. But enthusiasm, happiness, excitement are!

– Yes they are. Are you able to make those strong positive emotions last for ever?

– This is a problem, Coco. I have them in the beginning of a project but they disappear once a project becomes a routine.

– Exactly and you need to follow your routine for a relative long period of time to get results, not the first positive results, but the end result.

– So what to do then?

– Exactly what I say: want without wanting, forget without forgetting.

– Here you are again with your abracadabra!

– Chill down babe, there is a cheat…

To be continued

3 thoughts on “Chapter 26: To want without wanting, forget without forgetting. I am probably not smart enough because I still don’t get it.

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